Tuesday, August 9, 2011

The Bitch is Back

Ever have one of those days (eh em... weeks) when you KNOW you're being a raging bitch, but you can't seem to stop?  Yeah.  I'm having one of those.

Life is kicking my ass a bit and apparently, my response is to ruin the lives of the people around me (read: my husband).  Oh, the irony.  The Universe is mean to me, so I'm mean to the one person who loves and supports me no matter what.  Interesting choice, lady.

I have strange methods of coping with stress in my life, though I'm only recently starting to notice them.  My first response is to sit on my ass and brood.  Generally speaking, this doesn't get me very far.  Shocking, I know.  After that, I clean the kitchen.  Why?  I have no idea.  I'd like to trace it back to my childhood when my biggest problems- like not being able to go out with my friends- were generally solved by a thorough cleaning of the kitchen, but that isn't particularly logical now.  I no longer live with my parents, so I can't be grounded, and my problems are now significantly more complex.  A full dishwasher and clean counters will not solve anything, but somehow I feel more in control when I've scrubbed grout.  When that doesn't eliminate my stress (which it almost never does), I pretend like everything is fine to almost everyone, though I'm a fairly horrific liar, and then I take my anger out on my husband.  Because, as we all know, the fact that he has put the glass in the sink instead of the dishwasher IS THE REASON FOR ALL SUFFERING.

Oh wait, no it's not.  That's just me being mean and irrational.  Shit.

Anyway, I'm hoping by writing this and admitting that I know I'm being intolerable, I can find the strength to KNOCK IT OFF.  Jesus.

Honey, this is me saying, "Um, sorry I'm being a total bitch.  I don't really mean to, but I can't seem to quit it.  I'll work on that."

No really, I will.  Swear.  Seriously.

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