Thursday, February 28, 2013

Wait, What?



After dinner the other day, I had an actual argument with my child over whether or not I could stick a marshmallow in his belly button.

It ended in long a fit of giggles, of course, and by the end of it I laughed so hard I cried.  I needed that.

I repeat a point I have made many times before: Parenthood is weird.

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I was pro-mallow-button, by the way.  Obviously.

Monday, February 25, 2013

What I Want For Them

As parents, we think a lot about the future.  How to make sure our kids have a stable future.  Doing what we can to guarantee a happy future for our kids.  What we can do to keep them safe so they HAVE a future without insulating them too much.

We think about the big picture, but we rarely think about the little things. I don't, anyway, and it's the little things that really make life.  The inside jokes and the private moments.  The shared love of weird foods and that song that always makes you think of that one time with that one person.  The nonsensical traditions and same-ol' stories and holidays you've shared.  Those are the things you remember.  The things that make families so idiosyncratically wonderful (and, sometimes, awful).

So when people ask what I want for my kids, I tend to stick with the obvious: happiness and health.  And I do want that for them.  Desperately.  But I want so much more.  I want the little things in their lives to make them laugh until they can hardly breathe.  I want them to cry with joy.  I want them to experience beauty and make beauty.  I want them to know and live and bask inside the kind of love that they have allowed me to feel.

And, so.  What I want for you, my sweet, uber-naughty little boys.

I want my boys to love vegetables, to really look forward to a good salad and relish rainbow colored food.  I want them to be art and book lovers, to find the painting they can stare at for hours or the book they quote and reread until it's battered and dog-eared and riddled with annotations.  I want them to continue to love to dance, to be willing to bop up and down without caring who's watching, to lose themselves in the music and surrender to it well into old age.  I want them to love poetry.  I want them to be able to find the humor in any situation and to create it if they can't find it.  I want them to be true to their word.  I want them to understand sarcasm, because sometimes it's the only way their parents are capable of communicating.   I want them to enjoy cooking and baking and practice both with glee.   I want them to never be afraid of who they are and to live proudly and confidently.  I want them to do what they love.  I want them to be good friends- to each other, and in general.  I'm want them to learn to handle disappointment with grace.  I want them to be willing to scrub a toilet or do laundry and to do both competently and without being asked.  I want them to be feminists and to understand that equality IS and doesn't need to be earned.  I want them to always remember how to play.  And finally, I want them to always, always, always be willing to sit and have a cup of coffee with me.


(Although, honestly, I'd settle for just being fully potty-trained first.)



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This post was inspired by a discussion amongst an amazing group of women that I know, but don't actually know.  They are brilliant and kind and hilarious.  They very often make my day.  And their kids are going to be some seriously amazing people.  Thanks, Smarties.

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

And This Is Why I Can't Keep Up With the Laundry

Here was my morning:

Me: Putting laundry in washing machine.
Little One: Taking laundry out of washing machine.
Me: Putting laundry in washing machine.
Little One: Taking laundry out of washing machine.

Me: Putting laundry in washing machine.
Little One: Taking laundry out of washing machine.
Me: Picking the Little One up and placing him outside the laundry room.
Little One: "WWWWWWAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!"

Me: Continue putting laundry in the washing machine.
Little One: Sneaking back into the laundry room to continue pulling laundry out of the washing machine.
Me: Removing the Little One from laundry room again.
Little One: "WWWWAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"
Me: Turning washing machine on and adjusting controls according to desired washing result.
Little One: Sneaking back into the laundry room and pushing ALL OF THE BUTTONS so washing machine is now nowhere near desired washing result.

Me: Removing Little One's hands and resetting controls according to desired washing result.
Little One: Pushing all of the buttons again.
Me: Removing Little One's hands and resetting controls according to desired washing result.
Little One: Pushing all of the buttons again.
Me: Removing Little One's hands and resetting controls according to desired washing result.
Little One: Pushing all of the buttons again.

Me: Removing Little One from the laundry room again and placing laundry baskets in his way.
Little One: Throwing laundry baskets, and clean laundry therein, all over the hall whilst slamming adjacent bathroom door and yelling, "WWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!"
Me: Glaring.
Little One: "WWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!"

Me: Setting dryer according to desired drying results.
Little One: Climbing over laundry baskets and strewn laundry to dryer where he can commence pushing all of the buttons so dryer is now nowhere near desired drying result.
Me: Staring at Little One.  "No."  Removing Little One from laundry room.
Little One: "WWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!"

Me: Setting dryer again according to desired drying results.
Little One: Pushing all of the buttons again so dryer is nowhere near desired drying result.
Me: Setting dryer according to desired drying results and wondering why the "Lock Controls" button DOES NOT ACTUALLY LOCK ANYTHING AT ALL WHAT IN THE FUCKING HELL.
Little One: Pushing all of the buttons again so dryer is nowhere near desired drying result.

Me: Pushing start because who cares about the desired drying results kill me now oh my god.
Little One: "WWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!"
Me: Walking away and shaking head.  Contemplating noon drink.






Friday, February 1, 2013

Words, Words, Words

I love listening to a kid who's learning to talk.  So many awesome sounds and attempts and delightfully butchered words.  I still grin when the big one asks for "opameal with ray-rays" (oatmeal with raisins).

The Little One, who's been slow to talk and just turned two, is finally showing an interest.  He tries new words every day and even strings together little sentences.  He ran around saying, "Fyash-yite" and beaming for a full day after he figured that one out.  It's adorable.  And thank god, because all that evil monkey screeching really gets on my nerves.

Here are a few recent gems from the mouths of my babes.  Now you can translate.  You're welcome.

Big One-isms:

Flumb = Thumb

proburbly = properly


Little One-isms:

Bunner nunner = belly button

Perrrr = Pear

Buck me! = buckle me

Fock tuck!= box truck

Shuree = scary

Shishy = fishy

Pull = apple

bow = rainbow

star/yite = light

Waterrr = any beverage of any kind (but usually referring to milk)

Hock = sock

Bootch = boots

Hfmell = smell

fplass = splash

shooewk = scoop

mees = please