Friday, September 16, 2011

Wrastlin' Octopi!!

Ever tried to wrestle an octopus?  Me neither, but I imagine it's something like trying to change the diaper of an eight month old baby.  A baby who has recently discover locomotion and feels he should be locomoting at ALL TIMES.  (Yes, I know that's not a verb.  I'm doing it anyway.  Suck it.)  I'm pretty sure it's frowned upon to hold your baby down with your forearm whilst trying to wrench his body back down to the changing mat in order to keep poop from getting EVERYWHERE, but it happens.  It happens a lot. It might happen every day.  Like, maybe 4 or 5 times a day.  Maybe.  I'm just saying, sometimes a mommy has to do what a mommy has to do.

And sometimes that means wrestling an octopus.

Don't judge me.

Friday, September 9, 2011

Toddlers: Time Suckers

Toddlers are expert time suckers.  They can take a normal activity and stretch it out- with the addition of singing, tantrums, playing, shitting or whining- sometimes all of the above!- for a good hour.  It's impressive.  Throw in potty training and, well, the shit goes haywire.

Accordingly, this is what my day looks like with my toddler:
*Time required to eat a meal: at least 45 minutes
*Time required to clean up body parts and scene after meal: 10 minutes
*Time required to leave the house: 20 minutes (add another 10 for every additional child)
*Time required to sit on the potty before leaving the house: 15 minutes
*Time required to convince toddler to sit on the potty before leaving the house: 5-10 minutes
*Time required to ascertain whether toddler needs to sit on the potty before peeing pants: ALL THE LIVELONG DAY
*Time required for toddler to fall asleep: 20 minutes- 2 hours (depends on how many songs are floating around in said toddler's head)
*Time required to recover from a day with toddlers: 18 years

So that leaves, what, 5 minutes to get everything else accomplished for the day?  No problem.