Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Something Like a Phenomenon

There are a great many inexplicable phenomena that take place once you become a parent.  There's the Can't Complete A Sentence problem, IPSS, the Mount Vesuvius Laundry phenomenon, the ability to completely phase out screaming, and a great many more.  Including the one where I Can't Finish Anything.  Ever.  I have started and stopped this post 3 times now.  Wait, what?  Who?  Where?  What was I doing?

Anyhoo, one of the more puke-tastic, yet unstoppable among them (for me anyway) is the Overexcited Mom phenomenon.  I cannot explain it, but I know it's taken me in its sticky little grasp and I am helpless against its powers.  I CAN'T STOP TALKING MOM.  It's gross and annoying and a little bit embarrassing.  And yet I can't make it stop.

Yes, yes.  I AM a mom.  Yes, yes, I'm a 98% stay-at-home parent.  Yes, yes, motherhood is a huge part of my life.  In fact, it's pretty much been my life for the past 3 years.  BUT.  I should be able to talk about other things.  I shouldn't get so bloody excited to talk about another person's child's sleeping habits.

But I do.  I totally, totally do.  I am into other people's children's sleeping habits.  And their poop habits.  And their eating habits.  And pregnancy.  OMG, PREGNANCY.  I am no longer pregnant.  I do not intend to be pregnant again.  I have only been pregnant for 20 months out of my entire life.  And yet.  I somehow feel like I'm an expert on pregnancy?  Or something?  Because I cannot stop talking to pregnant people about being pregnant.  Or formally pregnant people about being pregnant.

And then there's the accessories that go with being pregnant.  Or with being a mom.  I literally have a list.  (And if you ask me to, I'll totally post it for you.  I'm that person.  Because, OMG, PREGNANCY!!!!)

There are theories and practices and discipline techniques and potty training techniques and pedagogy and psychology and philosophies ALL CENTERED AROUND BEING A PARENT.  There's what you should do and what you might have done and what you should think about doing soon and what you probably waited too long to do and now you're screwed and there's who to talk to and when and why you might have already broken your children for life.  There's what happens to your body when you're pregnant and what happens to your body when you're nursing and what happens to your body when you're done being pregnant and nursing and then there's what happens to your brain and your psyche during all of this and OH. MY. GOD.  The stuff.  So much stuff.

It's exhausting.  It's exhaustive.  But I cannot stop talking about it because there's just so much to talk about.  Guess what my kids did today?!?  Your kids did what today?!?  You're gonna have kids?!?  YAY KIDS!!!

 Ugh.  On the rare occasions when I get a moment alone with my husband, or night out with a girlfriend (who?  where?  what's happening?), I can't seem to stop talking mom.  And when I hang out with my friends who don't have children, I still can't stop talking mom.  And when I find out my friends will be having new children?  OMG, PREGNANCY.

Dude.  It's a sickness.  I'm way too momcentric.  I need a hobby.  I need time for a hobby.
Actually, I just need sleep.

P.S. This phenomenon has been explained beautifully and better than I ever could here.

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