Monday, June 18, 2012

Instant Personality Shift Syndrome


It is a little known problem, but a common parental condition.

IPSS, or Instant Personality Shift Syndrome, is rampant among the parents of young children.  Its symptoms appear without warning and are difficult to treat.  IPSS becomes almost incurable among the parents of toddlers and is easily recognizable.  Exchanges such as, "Roll the ball, baby!  Roll the ball to your brother!  Good job, baby.  GET OFF THE TABLE!  That's right, roll the ball!  Good!  STOP THROWING THE BALL AT YOUR BROTHER'S HEAD!  Wanna roll it back?" are commonplace in the parent/child exchanges involving parents with IPSS.  Parents may move from soothing coos to ear-splitting screeching with nary a warning to be heard.

While IPSS is not life-threatening, it can cause others to question your sanity.  Symptoms may include hollering, sighing dramatically, rolling of eyes, foreheads in hands, and clenched jaws.  Symptoms may be accompanied by a toddler screaming, throwing things, tantruming, or hitting.  Siblings may exacerbate the problem.

If you notice symptoms of IPSS and have a toddler in your home, do not be alarmed.  Symptoms will begin to dissipate over the next two to sixteen years.  If symptoms do not disappear completely, seek help immediately.  And a margarita.

This has been a public service announcement.  We will now return to regularly scheduled programming.

No comments:

Post a Comment