Just To Make Things Clear...

Dear Little One,

It seems we have a bit of a misunderstanding here.  I apologize for any confusion.  Let me try to clear a few things up.

I want you to know that changing your diaper is in no way an attempt to murder or dismember you.  I am not trying to kill you, maim you, torture you, or upset you in any way.  I am merely attempting to rid the room of the foul stench you have produced, while simultaneously attempting to keep your bum happy and rash-free.

You seem to have come to the conclusion that diaper change = attempted murder.  Let me be clear: I AM NOT TRYING TO HURT YOU.  I swear.  No harm intended.  Just want to get a clean diaper on you and wipe up any mess.  So, if you could please refrain from shrieking and writhing as though I'm jabbing you with hot pokers, I think you could save us both a lot frustration and heartbreak.  And a neighbor call to CPS.  Which would be awkward.

Thank you.
Love,
Mama