Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Hands-Free Parenting

Motherhood requires a MINIMUM of two functional hands.  Or extremely dexterous feet.  Whichever.  Really, it requires nine or ten hands, but unless you are a Hindi deity, you're stuck with the usual two like the rest of us.

But then something like this happens:

And then you are fucked.

Because now you only have one hand, and one hand is NOT ENOUGH.

At first you think, "Damn.  I cut myself and may or may not need stitches, which is really a bitch since I'm home alone with sleeping children.  I'm sure I can stop the bleeding."  Forty five minutes later you think, "I'm pretty sure the bleeding is slowing down a bit, but that is a rather gaping slice on my hand.  Perhaps I should ask someone about that."  And then you try to eat something because it's now 9pm and you're bloody and hungry.

I did ask someone about that, and thanks to a kind and loving doctor friend (who said stitches might have actually been helpful), my hand is stuck back together with Steri-Strips.  After one week, it's finally, FINALLY starting to heal.  However, for future reference: getting kicked in the wound every time you change a diaper does NOT speed healing.  Good to know.  In the meantime, I've learned how to diaper, open jars, shower, carry groceries and babies and turkeys simultaneously, and generally function with only one and half hands.  It's tough and very often hurts like a bitch, but it's doable.

In the meantime, I'm steering clear of knives and practicing diapering with my feet just in case this ever happens again.  Wish me luck!

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