Which is worse: No sleep, or lots and lots of crying?
HA!!! That's a trick question!! The two can't be separated. They are tied together in a hideous tango of pain. If the kids don't sleep, there is lots and lots of crying. If I try to make them sleep, there is lots and lots of crying. LOTS AND LOTS OF CRYING. No matter what. Sometimes, it's me crying and wishing I was sleeping.
(Dear god, make them sleep!)
I'm trying to hold on dearly to the promise that "they" made me. "They" say that the kids will adjust. "They" say that the kids will learn to sleep together without waking each other up. "They" say the novelty of sharing a room will wear off. "They" say that this will work.
Will "they" please come over and make my children go to sleep? Because I can't seem to do it for the life of me. I've put them to bed separately. I've put them to bed early. I've run them ragged with exciting playdates and put them to bed late and exhausted. I've begged. I've pleaded. I've sticker charted. I've bribed. I've guilted. I've stared. I've gone in every 30 seconds and laid them both back down and told them in no uncertain terms that it is TIME TO SLEEP.
But there is no sleeping.
If a napless day was the only problem, I could deal. I could handle losing that precious, precious hour and a half in the middle of the day when I can answer my emails and eat a warm meal and watch trashy TV and pee in peace. But naplessness leads to other problems. It is the gateway drug to naughty and cranky. A day without naps means a day filled with time outs, temper tantrums, and crying. So. Much. Crying.
This embargo on sleep is causing me to lose my ever-loving mind. I am stress eating Reese's peanut butter cups. I am contemplating drinking starting at 10:30 a.m. I am wondering if I will ever get to experience a day when my toddler doesn't yell in my face and I don't want to hide in the closet and my infant isn't hysterical because all of us are SO exhausted.
"They" are on my shit list. I think "they" must be the same ones that said parenthood is easy. The ones who make people think that being a full time parent is all baking and zoo trips and lattes and spinning circles in the park while the children happily skip to bed singing, "I love my Mommy!!"
Those days do exist, thank god, but they seem to be few and far between these days. So until my days look like a scene out of Sesame Street, "they" better get their asses over here and put my kids to sleep. And bring me a latte.