I've done it. I've started a blog. Apparently. I'll fully admit that this feels strange and wildly narcissistic. Sitting down to write my first post brings up every feeling of mediocrity I've experienced in the last 30 years. What if I sound like an idiot? What if it's boring? Who cares what I have to say? Apparently I care what I have to say, or I wouldn't be doing this.
I'm not sure what qualifies me to write a blog. Does one need qualifications? I am the mother of two boys- a toddler and an infant. I am a high school English teacher who is either taking time off to raise her kids, or is running away screaming from the clusterfuck that is education. Can't tell which yet. Stay tuned. I am a woman who is passionately in love with her husband and children, but sometimes wonders if she'll disappear in the life of a stay-at-home mom. I am someone looking to maintain a passion for writing, so I'm giving it a shot.
I've always wanted to write. I don't know that I've ever been particularly good at it, but I love it. Sadly, my laziness and my insecurity have combined with "being busy" to create a powerful prophylactic, keeping me from writing much of anything in the last ten years. But then I got pregnant. Something about the crazy science experiment called pregnancy kick-started my desire to write. Since becoming a mother for the first time two years ago and experiencing all the strangeness that motherhood brings with it, I've wanted to write even more. Laziness and exhaustion still win most days (I could write, OR I could eat ice cream and watch E!), but the desire is there nonetheless.
In my imaginary world where reality doesn't exist, I'd like to write a book. If time and money and exhaustion and talent were not factors, I would be a writer. I'd LOVE to be able to say truthfully, "I'm a writer." I've started writing a book, so in my delusional head it's a possibility. But, since I only have 40 pages written and it's taken me almost two years to even start the blog I've been toying around with, I'll try my hand at this first and see where it gets me.
I've started a blog. Now I just have to maintain it. Shit.