The Little One is Four!

This last week, the Little One turned four. I am in shock. Four is huge. Four is old. My baby is a kid now. It's freaking me out.

Initially, he was highly pissed off about turning four. He wanted to skip directly to five so he could be the same age as the Big One. I had to break the bad news that skipping four wouldn't work because, unfortunately, math. But! On his birthday he woke up and announced, "I four! I not mad at four anymore. I happy!" And so we usher in a new year for the tiny fella. Who, by the way, is not so tiny. He's huge in fact. Did I mention that his rapid growth is freaking me out? BECAUSE IT IS.

The Little One, who is a total anomaly in the Squishy Family, does not like cupcakes. He doesn't like cake. Or cookies. I know. I know. I can't figure it out either. But he does love doughnuts, and that's what he wanted for his birthday treat. So, we trucked on down to the doughnut shop and got all hopped up on sugar and fat and celebrated our new four year old. And it was good. He got to have his Special Day at school, we made a poster of hilarious pictures of his tiny Nutella covered self, and general goodness happened. So here's to the Little One. Happy birthday, my little love. Thank you for bringing your goofy self into our lives. xoxo

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Also, the holidays happened. We schlepped the kiddos across the country to be with family and we saw so many people and got to say "I love you" in person, which is just as it should be at the holidays. But hot damn, traveling with 2 little kids is a pain in the ass. OY. Thank everything for travel DVD players.

I hope you had lovely holidays, oh Squishy readers. I hope you were surrounded by love and food and drink and family and had the chance to relax. Or, if not, I hope you were at least able to binge-watch a couple of HBO or Netflix series while eating ice cream in bed.


Also also, I did some writing. I was honored to have a piece from this blog posted over at The Manifest-Station. It's such a lovely site and the work there is just stunning. I feel truly lucky to have joined the incredibly writers featured over there.

And I had pieces up (the same day, even!) at my regular gigs: My latest at Luna Luna, Girl Fight, and my latest at Rattle & Pen, The Imagining.

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And, as always, weird stuff continues to come out of our mouths. Weird Stuff We Say, Part 2037483!

Now featuring the all new "My Grampa" series! Crazy stories the Little One makes up about his grandpa. None of them are true. All of them are hilarious.

Little One: "My grampa has a feet beard!"

"My grampa had a pet apple!"

"My grampa has a house farm with cows and chickens and sheeps. And one more. A T-Rex! And a moose and a lion."

"My grampa has an apple city!"


Daddy: "It's really not hard Little One, I'm telling you what to think."


Daddy: "I want you to like me."
Me: "I do like you."
Daddy: "But not like a pet."


Little One: (while excitedly singing the ABCs) "2 R S, T U 3..."


Little One:
crashbrowns = hashbrowns

Of Patience and Spontaneous Combustion

So, I've been thinking a lot about patience lately. Namely, because I have none. The kiddos are testing my limits these days, (SUMMER!!) and oof. Just... oof.

Yesterday, I very nearly burst into flames MULTIPLE TIMES. Holy hell, these kids sometimes. I love them, but JUST LISTEN TO ME AND FOLLOW MY DIRECTIONS SO I DON'T FEEL THE NEED TO STAB MYSELF IN THE EYE PLEASE. Turns out I didn't burst into actual flames though, so I win. Sort of.

Anyway, I wrote a thing about it over at Rattle and Pen. Read it, won't ya?

Also, I am delighted to discover that other people have this very same problem. It's a thing, Squishies! It's a thing! This piece by Paige Kellerman over at HuffPo rings true for me. And gives me the giggles. It's about patience and saying "fuck" a lot. A friend recommended I go read it AND I JUST HAVE NO IDEA WHY. Eh em.

Here's a tiny snippet:

How Not to Swear Around Kids

1. Don't be around children at all.

2. If you ignored number one, the key here is to pinpoint where your kids are going to be during the day and then go hide.

 
Read it and pee your pants a little bit. Seriously.



While you're reading those, I'll be over here working and wrangling kids and trying to find time to write all the things I have to write. And taking my kids to swimming lessons in the pouring rain. That's right. Outdoor swimming lessons IN THE RAIN. What? I live in Seattle, people. Ain't no thang.

Where's My Village & More Stuff They Say

I have a new post up at Rattle & Pen about the disappearing "village" in modern parenting.  Where's my village, yo?  Go check it out here.


But while you're here!!  Here's some more adorableness from the mouths of my little lunatics.  They're nutballs, but I love 'em.

Big One:
"That's my spirit!" meaning, that's the spirit.

Holding an improvised vacuum extension limbo pole over my head:
"Mommy!  Let's lahmbo!"
"You mean limbo?"
"Yeah!  Now it's you're turn to mambo!"

"up-spied-down" = upside down
"up-spied-up" = right side up

"Lightning the Queen" = Lightning McQueen (from Cars)

Little One:
"Meez" or "pweez" = please
"brudder" = brother
"wap" = lap
"tincrumbers" or "kidcumbers" = cucumbers
"Fprinkles" (aka: sprinkles) = goosebumps
"fwaht-fwahts" = flip flops
"swars" = stars
"shit" = sit OR chips, so he very often says things like, "Daddy shit.  Brudder shit.  Shit, meez!" or "Yummy shits.  Eat shits.  More shits, pweez."  I love it so hard.

Blogiversary, New Gig, and Busy Days, OH MY

You guys, I'm totally cheating on you.  I'm sorry.
Nope, I'm not sorry actually.  I'm ecstatic!  I'm delighted to announce that I am now a regular contributor over at Rattle & Pen.  Amazing women writers writing about life.  What could be better?

(Remember how, in my very first post ever, I said that wanted to be able to say, "I AM A WRITER" and mean it?  Well... guess what, peeps...  WHOA.)

Also, I just realized that this little blog is two years and 4 days old today.  Happy Birthday, Squishy!  Thank you to those of you who have been reading from the beginning, and welcome to my new readers.  You're all awesome.  If you'll keep reading, I'll keep writing.  Promise.

So, point is, I still love you.  I swear.  I'm not abandoning Squishy and I'll be back to my snarky mommy blogging posthaste.  I PROMISE.  I have a gazillion posts started, but just haven't had the time to finish any of them.  (Husband graduated with his 2nd BFA yesterday- WOOT!- in-laws are in town, kids are nutballs, etc.)  BUT I WILL.  Soon.  I have stuff to tell you.  Stuff involving Sharpies.

Anyhoo, in the meantime, go read my latest post up at Rattle & Pen here about writing in public and the awesomeness and weirdness that comes from it.  Hurrah!  (And thanks for your support, dear Squishy readers.  I really do love you.)

Smooches.

Guest Contributor: Rattle & Pen

I am honored to announce that I am the first guest contributor over at the amazing Rattle & Pen.  Please take a moment to read my essay, "Raising Feminist Sons," here.

I am a huge fan of the talented women writers at Rattle & Pen and I feel privileged to join them.  The pieces found here speak to the experiences of so many of us.  Read through and see for yourself.

Enjoy!
Shannon