For The Times, They Are A'Changin

So, hi there. I, uh... I'm sorry I haven't called. Er... written. I mean, I know you feel like we're growing apart. It's not you, it's me. How are you?

I dunno. I got nothin. Life is busy? Kids and stuff? The school year started? OH! HOLY SHIT YOU GUYS! School started! I have a kindergartener! I HAVE A KINDERGARTENER. That's insane. I'm a little bit baffled by this particular development. He cannot possibly be in school. Like, actual school. Except that he is. And it's completely terrifying.

Not for him, of course. He's totally fine. He loves it. It's terrifying for ME. I mean... he's out there just, like, living his life. WITHOUT ME.

I know. I KNOW. That's precisely what he's supposed to be doing. It's good for him. We all have to do it eventually. Autonomy n' shit. Yeah, yeah. But jesus, it is hard letting him just wander around in the world doing things and learning things and struggling through things and only getting the tiniest snippet of what that's like for him. It's harder than I thought it would be.

This was the Big One's very first day of kindergarten, and look:

Who's the one marching along, head down, looking all forlorn and pouty? Not him. He's fine. IT'S ME.

After we dropped him off that day, we came home and I was completely overwhelmed with this terrifying feeling that it was over. Our time together was done. I sat in his room and cried and because he doesn't belong to us anymore. I mourned us.

That's completely melodramatic and slightly ridiculous, but it's also kind of true. The us we were doesn't really exist anymore. I've been home with him since he was born, and I've been a part of his entire life -- including his education -- up until now because of co-op preschool. (What? We live in Seattle. It's awesome. Shut up.) Now, he has this whole life at school that I'm not a part of for the first time in his life and it's a bit sad. I don't really know what his days are like, and I miss that. I miss watching him experience things for the first time.

He's doing well though, and we've worked our way through the transition hiccups and he's becoming this little person. This little person who's starting to read! Which !!!!!!


So anyway, big changes à Chez Squishy. Because in addition to the Big One starting kindergarten? The Little One started preschool. And DUDE was that kid excited. Like, AMPED. He has been waiting to go to school for a year and NOW HE GETS TO GO AND OMG. It's the cutest. Every day he's excited to go, and every day he leaps out of class and into my arms and says, "Mommy! I work and sing and play!" And I melt into a giant puddle of oozy love. I get to be with him in class once a week and watch him do all these amazing things...  Actually, he mostly just plays with the blocks and trucks and sandbox. Like, pretty much the whole time. But he's SO HAPPY about it. He'll shake it up soon, I'm sure. Or not. Whatever. He's happy.

My little squishies, they are growing up. Oof. That stings a little.



I have been working on getting things published (and writing things that are publishable), so there's that monopolizing my time. But it's working! I posted in August (oh... is that the last time I posted? OOPS) about my pieces in Brain, Child Magazine, and Luna Luna Magazine, but what I forgot to tell you is:

1. My piece in Brain, Child then went up on HuffPo and 15,000 people liked it on Facebook (so conceivably more than that read it) and WHOA.  I was totally blown away to even be there, and deeply honored to reach that kind of audience. Amazing.

And...

2. I'm now a staff writer for Luna Luna Magazine! I am so excited to be a part of Luna Luna and look forward to writing much more there. We talk lit, we talk feminism, we talk pop culture, we talk makeup, we talk tarot, we talk about all kinds of things and you should come on over and check it out.

So... stuff is happening! There's more coming out soon, too. It's a little surreal that I'm actually getting my work out there, and it is such a thrill to know that people want to publish and read the things I write. But even more meaningful is the idea that something I've written might have helped somebody. Or made them laugh. Or made them think. Or made them say, "Me, too." Ultimately, that's all I want.


And also, I got new glasses for the first time in 15 years. Turns out you should really have your eyes checked more than once every 15 years! Go figure. Here they are:

And with that, I'll leave you with the promise that there will be more from me soon and in the meantime... bizarre word combos that come out of our mouths. You're welcome.

Weird Stuff We Say

Daddy: "No. A penguin doesn't need a vacuum."


Daddy: "Who's on my team?!?"
Little One: "Not me!"


Little One: "My baby toe is 'llergic to dogs and cats."


Little One: "Mommy? You smell dat fart? Oh... dat not a fart. Dat the fries."


Daddy: "Did you wipe your nose, Little One?"
Little One: "Yep."
Daddy: "Then why are you wiping your nose on your shirt?"
Little One: "Because dere's booger water in dere."


Daddy: "Stop it. Just sit for one minute and be happy with your life."


Big One: "Sometimes, I accidentally eat toilet paper."
Me: "How's that taste?"
Big One: *pause* "Not very good."

(Apparently he was referring to when he's blowing his nose and the toilet paper gets stuck in his mouth. So at least he's not INTENTIONALLY eating toilet paper. There's that. Tiny victories!)


Big One: "Daddy? I need a cookie. Cookies help me remember stuff."


Little One:
bongo beans = garbanzo beans
bandeds = band-aids
tattoon = tattoo

Big One:
Star Vors = Star Wars

P.S. here's how I know having children causes you to lose your mind: My children made me start a puzzle with them and then abandoned me with the puzzle and then I really wanted to finish the damn puzzle BUT THEY KEPT WALKING ON THE PUZZLE. And then I was angry. The end.


P.P.S. the Big One declared that he would have a band called "Hands Droppin' Through a Tile." He would play the drums. I would play the maracas. Little One would play guitar. Daddy would sing.
WE HAVE A RETIREMENT PLAN, Y'ALL.

Somewhere Over the Rainbow

Yesterday, I came across a picture of myself holding the Little One under a rainbow.  I'd forgotten about that day.

We'd spent the afternoon at a friend's house, enjoying ourselves, but also realizing that we've ended up a bit on the periphery these days.  Not by anyone's intention, just circumstantially.  We don't go out much- we can't because money (none) and kids (two)- and we don't socialize nearly as much as we used to.  Not nearly as much as we'd like to.  We've gotten wrapped up in our own lives- in the ups and downs- and have forgotten to reach outside of our own little bubble.  We've almost forgotten how.

So anyway, we were on our way home from a lovely day that was both wonderful and bittersweet, because we realized how much we missed our friends, and we realized what hermits we've become.  We were driving quietly along and then there in the stormy clouds ahead of us, a rainbow appeared.  And not just any rainbow.  This was a big, bright, huge rainbow.

We were both struck by how giant this thing was.  I told my husband to pull over.  He looked at me like I was crazy- it was bedtime and we had two sleepy, cranky kids in the car- but then he got that sparkly look and pulled over anyway.  We jumped out of the car, unbuckling the kids, and we gazed at that big beautiful rainbow for a while.  Danced underneath it as it started to rain.  We took pictures of each other standing under that grand arch and just reveled in the beauty for a minute.  We stopped and looked.  We took it in.  We did the wildly illogical thing and enjoyed for a moment.

And it was glorious.  We weren't in the prettiest place in the world- just pulled over on the side of a busy road next to strip malls and chain restaurants- but it was perfect for a moment.  Because we stopped.  We looked.  We saw.  And we were together.

Sometimes I forget how important together is.  Not just as a family, but as people.  As friends, as loved ones, as lovers, as parents, as humans.  Together.  We all crave that intimacy, that understanding that we are in this together, and we get it.  Someone gets it.  That we are not alone.

I'm realizing quickly how much I cherish the people in my life and how often I forget to tell them- to show them- how important they are to me.  To just stop and enjoy them.  The people that tell me their stories and listen to mine.  The people that laugh with me, and cry with me.  The people that grin at my kids as they leap about the room, or the people that shake their heads with me as they screech and act like tiny monkeys.  The people that bring me joy, that encourage me, that bolster me, that support me.  My people.  They do a lot for me, and hopefully I do the same for them.

So, Squishy readers, don't forget: You are not alone.  You have people- even if it's just me and these words on a page.  Even if it's a text telling someone you love them.  Even if it's a voice on the end of a phone line.  Even if it's the person sitting next to you.  You have people.  Don't forget.  Stop.  And enjoy.

Where's My Village & More Stuff They Say

I have a new post up at Rattle & Pen about the disappearing "village" in modern parenting.  Where's my village, yo?  Go check it out here.


But while you're here!!  Here's some more adorableness from the mouths of my little lunatics.  They're nutballs, but I love 'em.

Big One:
"That's my spirit!" meaning, that's the spirit.

Holding an improvised vacuum extension limbo pole over my head:
"Mommy!  Let's lahmbo!"
"You mean limbo?"
"Yeah!  Now it's you're turn to mambo!"

"up-spied-down" = upside down
"up-spied-up" = right side up

"Lightning the Queen" = Lightning McQueen (from Cars)

Little One:
"Meez" or "pweez" = please
"brudder" = brother
"wap" = lap
"tincrumbers" or "kidcumbers" = cucumbers
"Fprinkles" (aka: sprinkles) = goosebumps
"fwaht-fwahts" = flip flops
"swars" = stars
"shit" = sit OR chips, so he very often says things like, "Daddy shit.  Brudder shit.  Shit, meez!" or "Yummy shits.  Eat shits.  More shits, pweez."  I love it so hard.

Guest Contributor: Rattle & Pen

I am honored to announce that I am the first guest contributor over at the amazing Rattle & Pen.  Please take a moment to read my essay, "Raising Feminist Sons," here.

I am a huge fan of the talented women writers at Rattle & Pen and I feel privileged to join them.  The pieces found here speak to the experiences of so many of us.  Read through and see for yourself.

Enjoy!
Shannon

Sometimes, There is Good

Oh, hi!!!  How are you?!?  I know.  It's been a while.  We really need to do this more often.



This week has sucked.  The kids have been sick with fevers and coughing and have been exhausted human barnacles.  And now we're on to the aftermath of the sick which involves all of the whining, but none of the reasoning.  It sucks and I'm drained and it sucks.  But rather than talking about the suck (the whining... SO MUCH WHINING), I'm going to talk about something else.  Because I've had enough of the suck for today.

Instead, I'm going to talk about some things I've noticed lately.  Good things.  Silly things.  Things that make me smile.  Because really, those are the things I'll remember (and want to remember) in the long run.  So here they are. Some things that don't suck.

- The other day I told the Big One that I used to love to eat frozen peas when I was a kid.  He looked intrigued, so I gave him some in his school lunch.  He ate every last frozen pea.  I gave them to him again today, and the grown-up at his table at preschool raised his eyebrows and said, "Frozen peas, huh?"  And he smiled and said, "Yup!"  And I smiled, because, yup.  That's my guy.

- Kid perspective is awesome.  It is only after having kids that you get to hear things like this:
Big One - "Sometimes? Beans look like they're barfing."

- I noticed a little while ago that the Little One says, "Okay" in a very specific, adorable way.  I realized about a week ago that he says it just like me when I'm trying to comfort them.  I realized yesterday that I say it (and, therefore, the Little One says it) exactly like my grandmother says it.  I love it so much more now.

- Parenthood makes you realize weird things about yourself.  For example, I have learned that when I am pissed off or anxious, I clean the kitchen.  Why?  Dunno.  It makes me feel less anxious, certainly, but I think it also gives me an outlet for my anger.  (So many pots to bang around and stubborn counter stains to scrub at!!)  I just saved myself $500 in therapy!  Good job, me!

-Also, the sun came out (in May!  In Seattle!) and these things happened.  And they were good.

 Kid yoga is awesome.  We are stars.

 I am not as angry at the juice pouch as I look.

As you can see here, I am part vampire.

Together

On Thursday, I allowed the children to watch a stupid amount of T.V. so that I could catch up on laundry.  LAUNDRY.  It took SIX HOURS to finish it all.  And there's still a basket full of unfolded kid laundry.  Urgh.

So, to make up for Thursday's idiocy, I decided to make Friday a good day for all.  At the urging of some lovely ladies in my life, I decided mid-afternoon to take on a 64oz water challenge.  And I did it.  In 3 hours.  Holy bathroom trips, batman.  I also decided to spend quality time with the Big One, since he so rarely seems to get it.  

I had the pleasure of spending a luxurious hour and a half of uninterrupted play time with my beautiful boy, and it was glorious.  I forget sometimes, in the hustle and bustle of day-to-day, how much I enjoy watching my boys as they play.  Watching his little eyes light up as we sent the construction trucks speeding across the living room made my day.  He created an entire little construction scenario- we were building a building, complete with pipes!- and I suggested we use the blocks to actually build the building.  The look on his face was so exuberant, so filled with pure glee, that I burst out laughing.

We got the blocks and built building after building.  Building them together and knocking them down, over, and over, and over.  It was heaven.  Some our construction held, some of it failed.  But always, we worked together.  

I need to remember that.  Always, we worked together.

Words, Words, Words

I love listening to a kid who's learning to talk.  So many awesome sounds and attempts and delightfully butchered words.  I still grin when the big one asks for "opameal with ray-rays" (oatmeal with raisins).

The Little One, who's been slow to talk and just turned two, is finally showing an interest.  He tries new words every day and even strings together little sentences.  He ran around saying, "Fyash-yite" and beaming for a full day after he figured that one out.  It's adorable.  And thank god, because all that evil monkey screeching really gets on my nerves.

Here are a few recent gems from the mouths of my babes.  Now you can translate.  You're welcome.

Big One-isms:

Flumb = Thumb

proburbly = properly


Little One-isms:

Bunner nunner = belly button

Perrrr = Pear

Buck me! = buckle me

Fock tuck!= box truck

Shuree = scary

Shishy = fishy

Pull = apple

bow = rainbow

star/yite = light

Waterrr = any beverage of any kind (but usually referring to milk)

Hock = sock

Bootch = boots

Hfmell = smell

fplass = splash

shooewk = scoop

mees = please